My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
