We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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