all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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