I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
