I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
