i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
