Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
