Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
