I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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