i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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