I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
