i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
