So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
