Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
