I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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