Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
