Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
