I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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