Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
