I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pants are for mortals
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
