so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
