was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
