sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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