Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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