Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
