she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
