Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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