ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
