D3 body, D1 cock
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
