I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
