But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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