One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
