I cut my penus on the lid.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
