no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
