I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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