So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
