She's JV to your varsity
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
