If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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