Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
