he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
