you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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