just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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