Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His hands were made for my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
