I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
