my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
