um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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