I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
