I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
