If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
