they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My dick has a subreddit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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