Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
