Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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